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when you look at me,

what do you see?

a man aware?
who’s stopped and stares –
whose world is incomplete
without the memory of a face so sweet?

isn’t that the kindest flattery you could receive?
like the loser in the train in that James Blunt song
that everybody danced to at Prom
except me?
that’s what i believed

because when i look at you,
i feel a pebble in my shoe –
anything to reason these feelings aren’t true,
because it’s not meant to be.
i’m taken.
not free –
but life is a salad bar,
not a buffet
if my wife is to be presumed

because i can look in the mirror any time i want to
and remind myself of all the scars & bumps
but that’s not how i want to feel:
i’d rather feel like this wanting is real.
i’d rather feel the way i do
every day that i’m rested –
feeling my age and not constipated,
rather than the days i’m tired & blue
and see you as an exception to the rule.

so
through sunken eyes i wait to leave –
the daily reprieve,
as you’re uncovered through the ether
like the ending of one dream.

you see me looking back but you can’t fathom why.
because i’m just some other random guy.

//jf 2.19.2022

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