or, “Doing Away with the Chiller in the Thriller”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.
2 out of 5
I remember the trailer for Conclave last autumn, and I didn’t want to see it then, either.
Between the super-serious ensemble of Ralph Fiennes, John Lithgow, and Stanley Tucci all speaking in soft whispers; to the frequent high-angle framing of old White men in robes walking briskly through courtyards; to the punctuated explosion, it simply did not look like a good time. It looked like someone, somewhere was trying too hard.
Lo-and-behold, Conclave’s advertising & creative choices are misrepresentational – this isn’t a nail-biter: it’s a procedural about what happens when the Pope dies, and finding the right person to replace them.
The subject matter at-large joins The Program & The International as a movie with a rich topic worth edu-telling the viewer. But here, that knowledge is at the expense of wasting my time! (with an overdramatized aesthetic suggesting a core mystery that doesn’t actually exist)
[cont’d]
Conclave epitomizes why not every book needs adapting. Would the film still have worked had it did away with the chiller in the thriller? (those exigent first-person group shots; Volker Bertelmann’s inappropriate, metronomic soundtrack; accusatory interviews in under-lit corridors…)
Probably, but it wouldn’t be as ‘exciting.’ To assume there’s anything less than corruption present at any point of authority is ignorant, so it didn’t ‘shake me to my core’ to learn what certain people would do to hold power, in particular the papacy.
The core acting trio are well-cast: Fiennes shows believable sincerity, Lithgow always has something to hide, and Tucci does nervous better than most. Regrettably, Isabella Rossellini’s Oscar-nominated performance amounts to 10 minutes of underwhelming screen-time. She’s fine as a stoic Sister, but any profundity isn’t communicated through her but rather the filmic immediacy surrounding the character. Rossellini should be acknowledged for her career, but this was the wrong way to do it.
Isabella’s orchestrated reactions go to show that Conclave wasn’t just spunkily re-edited after, say, a placid test screening: it had this agenda all along. And just as I was about to write it off completely, it ended with a totally-unexpected twist worth a half-star all on its own, which reigned the spiritual angle of the film’s themes back into full focus where they always belonged.
Conclave the movie suffers from chimerism.
//wd 3.15.2025
Poster sourced from themoviedb.org. As of publication, Conclave is available to view in Western Canada on Amazon Prime (non-sponsored). What do you think? Have you seen Conclave already? Is ‘Free on Prime’ enough of a draw for your wife, too? Are you intrigued by movies about old White men in dress? Could you give a shit? Leave us a comment below!
theory of a daskeman 