or, “A Big Studio Budget Retained for Payroll”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.
1 out of 5
Snow White 2025 is as much a product for consumer consumption as it is a snapshot of Disney’s current socioeconomic agenda – from Lion King’s Pride Rock in the background of their vanity card; to bookending sequences so similar to Beauty and the Beast’s you’d swear copycat if they didn’t both originate from the same company; to Dopey’s now-curable neurodivergence.
It attempts to redux the material as a feminocentric Robin Hood with a protagonist who’s ‘her own woman,’ but she’ll still drop everything to jubilate musically about her new White beau.
As the titular character, Rachel Zegler opts for the Queen of the High School Drama Department approach: she’s kinda hot and can carry a tune, but emotionally empty from crying about her now off-again boyfriend right before showtime. Watch her strain during the movie’s one big moment for her to act: like Zachary Levi’s recent dramatic try in The Unbreakable Boy, Zegler lacks the skill required to convincingly portray painful remorse. Go do some indies and get back to us.
[cont’d]
It was nice to actually see a big studio budget on the screen rather than retained for payroll – save for the over-edited fight choreography, and Zegler’s unflattering wardrobe, and dwarves that look like a passionless executive ran “realistic garden gnomes” through a free AI generator & pocketed the cash for themselves. You also could have cut any of the forgettable, stale-fresh musical numbers for a longer initial forest interlude, for which the movie curiously picks pacing over.
There are certain plot points Snow White needs to keep to continue calling itself “Snow White.” Had producers pivoted and – instead of a largely 1-for-1 retread – told a different well-worn tale of a young heiress’ quest to claim her throne, but told it well, maybe there wouldn’t be such a furor. But Disney’s ambition is to take existing properties and monetize the shit out of them for future generations – not to attempt new, unproven original stories, however unoriginal. Those projects are for Pixar.
Prospects aren’t good for public film exhibition: the ratio of value-to-cost is going the wrong way. While Snow White ’25 was not specifically aiming to entrap the 35-45 male demographic, Disney was happy to take my money. Don’t make my mistake. Wait for streaming, watch it once, then disown your child when they want to watch it again.
//wd 3.23.2025
Poster sourced from impawards.com. What do you think? Is “Snow White 2025” a good name for a better movie? Do you want to know why I paid full price to see this opening weekend (dragged-to)? What’s your favourite Disney legacy property that hasn’t received the live-action treatment yet? Leave us a comment below!
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