or, “Beating All the Well-Bushed Bits”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.
2 out of 5
If I was John Krasinski (Jim from the U.S. “Office”), and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was going around telling everyone he was “best friends” with my wife (his “Smashing Machine” co-star Emily Blunt), it wouldn’t matter how many more seasons of “Jack Ryan” I’m signed up for: I’d be jealous.
Thankfully, the Universe has stepped in six-ways-from-Sunday to give John the break I assume he wanted from his spouse’s new champion: the most egregious being the leads’ shared sequences in their new movie.
Taken separately, both Johnson & Blunt are inarguably beguiling. However, their joint scenes here have a sloppy, off-the-cuff quality that probably comes from under-rehearsed improvisation, spoiling any chemistry I may have thought the acting colleagues had, and never convinced me of their characters’ connection. When Johnson’s Mark Kerr mansplains the aura of the crowd to Blunt’s Dawn, it reads like something he’d have said on their first date: not after moving in together.
[cont’d]
It’s not rocket science to estimate what attracted producer/star Johnson to Kerr’s true story: a “UFC legend’s” journey of self-care, who got his start – as Johnson did – in wrestling. The Rock has surely been down similar side streets of supererogative stoicism.
But if the trailer made you curious as to his dramatic transformation, I’m afraid you aren’t missing much: Smashing Machine beats all the well-bushed biopic bits – from intravenous drug use to spousal malcontent – eventually pleading a startling revelation that life ain’t fair.
Big Wow. Johnson never transcends The Rock, and lets his prosthetics do most of his work here. The Dogme 95 cinematography & jazzy, shoegazing soundtrack come off as throwback opposed to aesthetically insurgent. And if you want a walloping, Scorsese’s “Raging Bull” has you more than covered.
Perhaps the movie would have left a better impression had it instead concentrated on Kerr’s co-competitor Mark Coleman, whose compartmentalization around his already-established family was a more interesting throughline than the wearisome bickering of Kerr & Dawn. Current UFC fighter Ryan Bader is perfectly believable as Coleman, in his first major film role.
The Smashing Machine gives no sustainable reasons for its existence other than as passion project, notable music album, and acting intro for Bader. It didn’t change my perspective of Johnson, it didn’t make me feel sympathy for Kerr, and I would feel ripped off had I paid extra to see it in IMAX. Know Before You Go.
//wd 10.11.2025
Poster sourced from impawards.com. Publicity photograph property of A24.
theory of a daskeman 