Author: wd

i cant guarantee im always around, but when i am, consequences will never be the same.

Capsule Reviews Vol.2

capsule review 2

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

BLLLAAAACCCKKOOouughhhh couuuffffff  huuuuuuuuHHHHHHHHH AAHHHHHooooooOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO HUUUUUUUHhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[I have seen Holy Grail more times cumulatively then possibly any other movie ever. It’s not really that funny anymore and it’s dated HORRIBLY (just look at that camera focusing), but it holds a special place in my heart after seeing clips of its most famous scenes in various places over the years as well as sitting through the whole thing a few times (just a few?); AND beating the PC game, which is TOP-loaded with clips. I’ve seen it so many times that I was able to notice the narration was different in the Flashback screening I went to at Cineplex, which sounded like they used a different take of Michael Palin during the storybook sequences (but didn’t have him come back in and rerecord it at 80-years-old, for example). This could have been because a remaster of the original audio track was impossible (I have seen the movie in mono many times) but there was no mention of a remaster on the posters or in the film itself so it was jarring hearing inflections I wasn’t used to. I liken it to hearing a popular song and then finding out it wasn’t the first version they recorded: even a classic takes more then one try.]

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the message

A short story for mature readers.

“A retail worker is confronted by harassment allegations.”

the break room at two thirty. morris wong, fifty two, sits next to chigane, another dime a dozen teenaged filipina with a potmarked face buried in her phone. morris’ warm congee scented breath can be felt on her shoulder but she doesnt recede. she leans in to him instead, laughing, pointing out the funny cat on her feed. joseline walks by and morris straightens himself, waking chi out of her digital stupor.

are you still coming to celias party tonight?

i told you no already. his accent is milder then his looks suggest.

why not?

we talked about this already.

i know.

its just not appropriate.

i know. she bats her mascaraed eyes. morris is a fool for her eyes.

then why do you keep asking?

i don’t know.

i want us to be more open too, just not yet. you know what people will say. she recedes, expecting a different result. hey morris?

he looks up to see steve, the colossi store manager. he has their full attention.

what’s up?

can i see you in my office?

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Capsule Reviews Vol.1

capsule review 1

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

I had a morbid fascination with this when I heard it was coming out. Really? A live-action “Dora” movie? Where Dora is now in high school and the film actively breaks the fourth-wall to poke fun at the tropes from the show? It shouldn’t have worked. Who is the audience for this? Turns out: seniors! My 83-year-old father-in-law was thoroughly entertained even if he had trouble reading the subtitles.

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Now Available on Laserdisc: A Perfect World

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“Everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.”

Clint Eastwood. The man with the ever-brusque facial expression. Western hero turned cop hero turned cineaste with an output that rivals Woody Allen: in quantity and quality. I mean terrible. Wait, I don’t mean terrible. I mean “not for me”. His directorial efforts are not for me. You see, Eastwood seems to make movies that fit his own demographic: seniors that need everything spelled out for them.

Clint isn’t one for subtlety or ambiguity: his characters are often expressing exactly how they are feeling; and if they don’t express it, then someone else will put the words in their mouth. He wants the viewer to feel unburdened by things like subtext and metaphors. He wants you to “be on the same page”. A few examples: Sully, the discouraged aircraft pilot simulator; Mystic River, the child sex trauma victim simulator; and Invictus, the Nelson Mandela fanclub simulator. I use the word “simulator” because Clint’s movies are deliberately-paced for maximum pragmatism. You start to “feel” for Sully’s social isolation; for Dave Boyle’s self-inflicted alienation; for how stoked you’d be to get the chance to meet Nelson Mandela.

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what do you feel like watching tonight?

new comic thing

A short story.

i dunno.

you never know.

i know i know, i’m just not a big tv watcher. you know that. youre lucky im still awake, im beat from working at the mill all day.

well here, give me the remote.

no you tell me what you want to watch and ill go to it.

i dont believe you!

come on why not?

you always do this, you say that i can pick and then i pick something and you say no!

what are you talking about, i never do that!

ok put on the new melissa mccarthy movie.

no no no

see? told you!

its just im allergic to bullshit.

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