Category: 2020

Selected Scenes: Suits 904

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Happy 50th Cumulative Post!

Faye Richardson, a Stormtrooper for the New York State Bar, has been called in to housekeep a messy law firm that has been working against protocol: their Senior Partner Robert Zane, removed for contempt, still has his name up on the wall. Maybe you’ve heard of the Firm by its old name? Pearson Spector Litt? Yes, that Firm: the one that hired a college dropout with a photographic memory as Junior Partner without taking the Bar first; the one that promoted a glorified Secretary to act as their Chief Operating Officer; the one that’s been in all the papers lately on corruption charges and their low standards-of-practice. There can be up to five names on the wall at any given time but none are founding Partners. It makes no difference to Faye: the Firm is still a mess, and rightly so. Without a stable leader for months and discord within the Name Partners it doesn’t seem like anyone can make up their mind what direction the Firm should take. With the organizing body behind her, Faye uses her power to demote COO Donna and Acting Managing Partner Louis; not to mention emasculating Louis in front of his Associates, but nothing seems to be working. Their resolve cannot be broken. Frankly, the group of them are just too damned close: they would rather run the Firm their own way then have an outsider tell them what to do: stay the course and go down with the ship, so long as their values and their pride are intact. Louis’ secretary Gretchen being claimed by Faye, and Donna’s reprimand for being romantically-entangled with Harvey, are the last straws. The four remaining Partners corner Faye in her office and tell her that they have gone over her head and amended the Code Of Conduct to allow for inter-office relationships. Maybe Faye can’t take them all on together. Maybe she would get more flies with honey. She releases Gretchen back to Louis as a sign of her commitment to compromise, as opposed to integrity.

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Now Available on Laserdisc: Rapid Fire

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Rapid Fire is a celebration of the legacy of Bruce Lee, and an attempt at passing the cinematic torch to his son. Make no mistake, this movie’s primary excuse for existence is jerking off deprived Martial Arts movie fans stuck in a time before Bruceploitation. Both father and son died before their fame really took off but from the eerie slo-mo Kung Fu of the opening credits to the blown-out hair to his Liberal philosophies it doesn’t feel like a proverbial torch being passed so much as the smooth transition that can only be granted generationally. Nature-before-nurture. You won’t believe how many times it felt like I was watching an extension of Bruce himself as opposed to his son carving out his own niche: from the finesse to the wit, if only tweaked by their Lizard Oversee’r (cough… EXECUTIVE PRODUCER) to meet the demands of audiences in 1992. Think Enter the Dragon X Die Hard. But aside from the occasional motorcycle stunt or brandishing a gun, or fondling GRATUITOUS TIDDIES, Brandon sticks primarily to what made his father famous: kicking the shit out of dudes! And kick he can. Or could? What is a more appropriate tense?

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Selected Scenes: Doctor Dolittle

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Dr. John Dolittle, MD is sick and tired of the human race: an entitled and ignorant lot they are. It isn’t like he, too, hasn’t feasted on the wealth that being a small-town physician has offered him: he lives on an opulent compound in a clean mansion, and he never wears sweatpants. But enough is enough. Animals don’t talk back the same way humans do, nor do they demand so much from him. Animals don’t demand anything except the same compassion they offer people. If he could somehow learn to talk to the animals then maybe he could achieve the fulfilled and peaceful life that he seeks. He enlists the help of a talking parrot, whose gift for mimicry helps him translate (he still speaks English, but the animals don’t). Of course, being Planet Earth’s premier veterinarian-slash-pet therapist isn’t without its challenges. Among his adventures, he breaks a seal named Sophia out of a circus prison so she can be reunited with her husband in the wild. He dresses her up Weekend At Bernie’s-style and passes her off as his infant-sized grandmother to the unsuspecting passengers in his taxi-slash-horse-drawn carriage. FOOLISH HUMANS! By the way, did I mention this all takes place at the turn of the last century? And before he releases her, he looks into her eyes and sings her a hypothetical song about if the two of them could be together. Can he connect with animals where he cannot with women? Will he ever find love? IS THE UNION OF MAN AND SEAL POSSIBLE IN TODAY’S POLITICAL CLIMATE? THE PUBLIC DEMANDS AN ANSWER.

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