we seek refuge in a confessional. on the internet you can be anybody you want to be. write with a pseudonym. be the racist young pornographer you can’t when you’re sixty and work the nine-to-five-am at mcdonalds. i’m twenty eight and it feels like i’m sixty sometimes, working the daily grind. can’t retire early. have to keep going. but i’m not sixty. and that naked maturity and illusion of experience betrays my own nature sometimes. i am a scared, wily man with the same issues that everyone else has. they are compounded as my own. everyones’ are. and it is in that selfish grey area where ignorance resides.

i’d like to think i’m not an ignorant person, only because of how strongly that word has been dissected in present day discussion. it is ignorant to assume anything about anyone without knowing them first. it is ignorant to have an opinion on something you know nothing about. but in the traditional sense of human kindness i am ignorant. because i have chosen to put myself in situations where philanthropy does not exist unless i myself will it to be. so i see the worst in people because the worst is all they have to give at the time. it goes back to the classic argument of whether people are good or evil by nature. blame the parents. blame myself. i’m sick of dealing with other people’s bullshit.

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