young romans

A one-act play.

“Two former Film School classmates – one successful, one a dropout – confront their presumed demons during a lunch reunion.”

THE SCENE
The street-side patio of a trendy restaurant, sometime in early-Summer. Present Day.

THE CAST
Dave, mid-to-late-30s, registered with the Film Union and good-to-go.
Ben, mid-to-late-30s, an unregistered freelancer.
A waiter, 18-20, just trying to do their job.
A proper man, 60s, who “should know what he’s talking about”.
His wife, 60s, who “should know her place better”.

*

LIGHTS UP. DAVE is waiting at a small, round table with three chairs. He’s dressed business-casual, playing with his phone. There are busy sounds around him: traffic; pedestrians – the city.

DAVE
Where the fuck is he…

A WAITER enters stage-left and approaches him.

WAITER
Have you had a chance to look at our menu yet, Sir?

DAVE
(callously)
That’s what I’m doing right now.

WAITER
Anything peak your interest?

DAVE
I don’t know, I’m not even at the appetizers yet! I’m still flipping through your sixteen-thousand pages of drinks!

WAITER
I’m sorry, Sir.

DAVE
Stupid question!

WAITER
We are well known for our selection of beer and spirits, Sir. If you’ll permit me, I could recommend something…

DAVE
No. Just go away until my guest arrives.

The waiter exits the same way he came in. From stage-right, in bursts BEN, dressed aloha-shirt casual. Dave is happy to see him, and they embrace platonically. Ben is despondent: hunched over, with closed-off body language.

DAVE
(cont’d) Wow! There’s the Big Guy!

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vigorously masturbating

or, once more, with feeling!

A poem about the dip.


i think we have a winner on our hands!

finally,
after years of searching,
someone is willing to take their clothes off to be in my movie!

“i’m thrilled to introduce
the only one of us that i’m paying
to be a part of this voluntary production i’m arranging!”
what do you want for dinner tonight?
kobe beef?
i’m buying.

the rest of them, give ’em ramen with egg!
now stroke, stroke, stroke for Sadie Benning’s sake!

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smells like a dirty sanchez

A poem.


you find yourself, reader,
in wicked spirit
being led by my dangled carrot into a modern family home
that to the modern teen, may as well be a modern garrote –
her room, her bed, her throne –
Mom thinks there must be something going on
cause the smell from the dining room downstairs
reeks like a bong:

“but how do you know that, Miss Antoinette? are you sure?

“it’s because of the parties to which i’ve been lured.
i haven’t actually smoked any. don’t be so perturbed –

“well how would you know it was weed
unless you were standing so close to them you could see?
then wouldn’t it be in the air that you breathe?
hmmm?
do you need me to get you a cup
into which you can pee?

“i didn’t have any, OK? JEEZ.

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