too bad: part one

The first of a short story in three parts. A dramedy for mature readers.

“In a post-COVID world, a naive & lonely nineteen-year-old waitress crosses paths with a middle-aged, misanthropic line-cook.”


The following is dedicated to two special ladies – neither I introduced myself properly to, but from what I assumed formed the basis of the character of Cassidy; and to my wonderful wife, for whom if I ever were to leave, or her leave I, this story would stand as prognostication.

i

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Arthur heard what she said, and the tremble behind it, “What did you say?”

Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t like people.” He intended that as a period and went back to work, but since he bothered to reply, it was an invitation.

“You can say ‘hi’.”

“Hi, huh?”

“Yeah. You know, saying hi probably takes less than a second. We have been here all night together.”

“Okay, thanks.” He went back to scrubbing the inside of one of the fryers.

It was after-hours one regular Saturday night in November. Arthur & Cassidy were scheduled the closing shift: they had both done it before, just not together yet. Cassidy saw it as an opportunity to get to know Arthur better, but, as was his norm now, all Arthur wanted to do was fight back his discomfort with stoicism, finish the job, and go home. He was bone-tired, and attacking a hard, crunchy bit of caked-on residue with a steel wool brush. He still had two more fryers to clean, and he had ten minutes until their scheduled shift ended at 10PM. These things were shit: no wonder management had to keep replacing them.

Cassidy had more-or-less finished everything in the dining room and was sweeping up in the vestibule, slowly and cautiously approaching the kitchen as she completed the spots before it. There were only the two of them left in the building, and she had the keys to lock up. Faintly, on the worn-out, twenty-year-old Phillips stereo that sat perched high on a shelf in the vestibule played the soft reverberations of Top-40 radio.

“…That’s it?”

“What else do you want me to say, Cassidy? I’m trying to scrub this shit off the fryer. I’m busy.”

“You know, just some soap and water would do the trick.”

“…Really?

“Hey, if you want to stay here all night to win the war on dirt & grime, be my guest. But I’d like to go home at some point, and I’m all done, so…”

“Did you do the bathrooms yet?”

Yes I did the bathrooms. I told you I was done. You don’t think I don’t want to go home, too?”

“You want to clean this too? Be my guest.” He rudely threw the brush down and stepped back, handing the reigns to her. She filled a red bucket with soapy water from the sink, took a rag, and wiped the spot. Even when hunched over, she still towered almost a foot above him. The crud began to break up, leaving the scratched surface from the wool brush underneath, “Okay, okay, okay, thank you so much.”

“See? You don’t have to be so rough with everything.”

“Listen, if you’re done, why don’t you go dust off the stereo speakers so I can actually hear something back here.”

“I would, if we had any dusters.”

“Then, I don’t know, go find the step-ladder and wipe off the little shelf it sits on. Oh wait, you don’t need that.”

“Har-dee-har-har.”

“I can be bratty, too.”

“Who’s being bratty?”

“You! You’re bratty. You’re a bratty girl.”

“…Is that some porn thing?” She was having fun with him, now.

“Whatever. Do whatever you want to do. That’s what you do anyway.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just leave me alone, okay?”

“No, what did you said?”

“I said you kids are going to do whatever it is you’re going to do anyway, so who gives a shit what I tell you, hm? You’re probably not even listening.”

“What’s this all about, Arthur?” It was the first time he had ever heard her say his name out-loud.

“Nothing!”

“You’re such a liar.”

“Fine, it’s you. You and all the other dumb White girls that get hired. Okay? You’re a bunch of entitled snowflakes who don’t know anything about putting in a real day’s work. Tell me I’m wrong! You all have your fucking hacks online to make shit easier for yourselves, while guys like me get shit on, even though I’m breaking my fucking back. It’s bullshit and I’m fucking sick of it.”

“Is that why you haven’t been talking to me? Because you think I’m a bad co-worker? Listen buddy, you don’t even know me. We’ve said more to each other tonight than we have in the whole three months we’ve been working together. You don’t say hi, you don’t look at me, you ignore me when I talk to you over the counter…”

[cont’d]

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maybe

A poem about probability.


maybe i’ll get what i want.

maybe.
some day.


maybe soon
i’ll know what i want.
sooner than later is better.


maybe i enjoy eating frozen foods
and protein bars
and McDonald’s for lunch every day.
it’s a choice.

maybe.
just maybe.

maybe one day i’ll have the strength after work
to make a proper meal
that cleans out the fridge
and uses all the sauce
for a change.

maybe.


maybe on the other end of that hotline
she’s laughing at my jokes
and not rolling her eyes
as i am assuming from her uniform replies.
maybe.

maybe i need to slow my roll

and maybe i need to step it to the floor
and go full bore –
Mad Max form –
right now ahead of my fifteenth chance
or i’m too old to learn from my mistakes anymore.
whichever comes before.
maybe.


maybe maybe maybe.
maybe yesterday was already too late

and maybe i’ll grow a third leg.

maybe i’ll croak in a week and maybe
i’ll pass away peacefully in my sleep

and maybe i’ll get rigor with an
endorphin-induced end-of-life dream boner
and an open casket will be out of the question.
kind of hard when you’re already booked
for incineration.

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imprintations

A poem about manifestation.


i am pandering to the points that i want
on the eve of Jupiter entering Venus and whatnot
and comparing it to what i really need,

as i loiter in my Mazda where you can usually find me
doing one of the following
rhymed list of things:

being alone,
playing Klondike on my phone;

listening to a CD on my SUV’s player
from my stack of self-burned music CDs,
all of which i’ve heard before;

and wet-lipping a big ol’ blunt just for me.
i know you’re all joking about my masturbating in the back seat.

maybe now that i’ve brought it up.



i don’t really know anything.
i blow the smoke out and i ponder my fatty
while i cough uncontrollably like i’m acting on TV:
telegraphing it for everyone in the audience to see
that it is, in fact, ground marijuana leaf.
if you priced this thing out it would be a killing,
but i don’t have the start-up to buy a booty-babe
to do all that tedious rolling.

i forgot where i was going


so i drift for a moment,
and in that space, she wanders through
in a special guest cameo i can’t mentally defer.


i know that i shouldn’t be driving

but my Saturday is also New PlayStation Deal Day –
as nutritional as breakfast cereal
and modestly-priced as Extra Foods –
and i wasn’t paying interest on my credit card
for a bill that, with tax, costs only two-oh-seven

so now i’m in the parking lot of the Seven-Eleven
with my twenty-five-dollar cardboard voucher
filling up to the tip of my breast pocket,
and the rain clouds from my last week of work
have parted
as a plane flies against a wild blue heaven
and you’d think i’d be running home


and so

because it is calm

i think about her again,
and the clouds loop back like a Terry Fox race.
i guess they were blowing back this way eventually,

anyway.

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itchy Achilles

A poem for my late father-in-law.


the father

had heard
and seen

everything the boy
had ever thought;
had done
and said –

that’s what the low-budget documentary
on Amazon Prime told him.

it was all outlined
in a big ULINE box with no lid
full of labelled duo-tangs stacked the wrong way
on the top shelf –
no less important than all the rest –
to whom the spirits kindly regressed.
the father didn’t necessarily ask for all this.
all he did was ask

and he was met with

and where maybe once he permitted himself to forget some things
based on nature,
his age,
now he knew everything.
that was the curse of the dead
and their wistless blessing

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sorry, Stormy

A poem for Stormy Daniels.


sorry, Stormy,
but i think you can assume
that if anyone invites you
alone to their room,
it’s probably not because they want to interview you
for a prime-time engagement on the tube
or simply to share a quiet dinner for two:
it is most-likely transactionally-based
on the high probability of painting your face;
and let me tell you, it ain’t in red and blue –
probably a good thing, too.

i know we should,
we can,
do better,
but how have your male fans acted in your presence –
i mean really acted –
through your decades of attending porn conventions?
winning awards for your performances?

what sex act made you most famous?

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