Category: now in theatres

400 Words on: Shelter (2026)

or, “Without Breaking a Sweat”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.

3 out of 5

I don’t usually gush (I’ve consigned two 5-star ratings in two years with the system), but I’m a Jason Statham fan.

Regardless of the actual quality of the movies themselves he’s headlined, Statham himself is effortlessly appealing & ‘unfuckable with’. I wouldn’t want him to kick me full-force in the breastbone.

Curious, then, that Statham’s “Shelter” character Mason spends most of the first act drunk, with his feet up by the fire. Yes, Mason is supposed to be a self-exiled recluse, but it’s rare to see Statham – at this stage in his career – chillaxin’ on-screen without exterior pressure.

[cont’d]

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400 Words on: Primate (2026)

or, “Johannes and the Terrible, No Good,
Very Bad House Monkey Horror”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.

1 out of 5

‘Pacing’ is certainly a thing: attributed to no one, it’s an essential part of any entertainment. Audiences won’t notice the spacetime something occupies in their lives unless they’re bored, or they totally disagree with what they’re experiencing.

As an example, halfway through Michael Haneke’s 1997 art-horror “Funny Games”, there’s a long, unbroken take assumed as decompression for its characters. That part is so slow that the first time I watched, I fast-forwarded through it.

But skipping “FG’s” depiction of grief also meant reinforcing its themes of desensitization. Once it clicked, it’s a rare movie scene where something simple blossoms within a spacial indiscipline.

On the other hand, skipping scenes in Johannes Roberts’ “Primate” won’t reveal the dark side of its audience, but it will get you to the credits faster.

[cont’d]

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Dub’s Take: Sarah’s Oil (2025)

or, “The Next Hundredth Go-Around:
400 Words on Zachary Levi”:
A spoiler-free mini movie conversation.

“Coyness is nice,
and coyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life that you want to,

So if there’s something you’d like to try…
Ask me, I won’t say no, how could I?
Because if it’s not love,
then it’s the bomb that will bring us together.”

– “Ask” by Morrissey & The Smiths

[cont’d]

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400 Words on: The Smashing Machine (2025)

or, “Beating All the Well-Bushed Bits”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.

2 out of 5

If I was John Krasinski (Jim from the U.S. “Office”), and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was going around telling everyone he was “best friends” with my wife (his “Smashing Machine” co-star Emily Blunt), it wouldn’t matter how many more seasons of “Jack Ryan” I’m signed up for: I’d be jealous.

Thankfully, the Universe has stepped in six-ways-from-Sunday to give John the break I assume he wanted from his spouse’s new champion: the most egregious being the leads’ shared sequences in their new movie.

Taken separately, both Johnson & Blunt are inarguably beguiling. However, their joint scenes here have a sloppy, off-the-cuff quality that probably comes from under-rehearsed improvisation, spoiling any chemistry I may have thought the acting colleagues had, and never convinced me of their characters’ connection. When Johnson’s Mark Kerr mansplains the aura of the crowd to Blunt’s Dawn, it reads like something he’d have said on their first date: not after moving in together.

[cont’d]

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400 Words on: Dead of Winter (2025)

or, “The Five Stages of Grieving Wasted Time”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.

1 out of 5

“Dead of Winter” (or DOW) is the antithesis to ‘Golden Topping Land:’ a movie you are actively conscious of while watching; an unremarkable composition that will pass from your brain as quickly as consumed, like cinematic Benefiber.

1. DENIAL

Actress Emma Thompson has had a robust & trustworthy career, and here, she plays the unlikely heroine of a kidnapping thriller. An Executive Producer credit ensured her creative autonomy, lest we forget she also won a screenwriting Oscar.

2. ANGER

With control comes accountability – ergo, no one else is responsible for today’s wretched protagonist, except for Thompson.

[cont’d]

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