A collection of mini movie reviews.
Category: reviews/opinions
Jay’s Take: The House on the Edge of the Park
A spoiler-free revisionist movie review.
Ruggero Deodato’s “House on the Edge of the Park” is straight up “genre trash”. Terrible movie. Review over. For those wondering why this lesser-discussed grindhouse rape-revenge “most disturbing movie of all-time” nominee is so bad, let’s talk. Come on, I know this spot over by the park where we can groove, baby. I’ll be quick (probably not).
Jay’s Quick Take: Underworld Blood Wars
A spoiler-free movie review (not that it matters).
Which “Underworld” are we on now? Six? Seven? Seventeen? No no no, it isn’t that bad – we’re only on number Five, which for some is four too many. I personally never connected with any of the Underworld movies, except the third. My issue was always with the backstory: why is there such a complex lore for what is essentially vampires & werewolves shooting guns at each-other? I never really knew what was going on in those movies and that’s probably my fault for not paying more attention (a lot of “this character knows this other character from hundreds of years ago, and there’s a relic that does this-and-that but only under certain conditions and blah blah blah”), but I always had one-foot out the door with these sorts of things anyway. Sure, I’ve read my share of vampire stories and watched my share of monster movies, but anything tinged with a touch of magic, or involving children with superpowers, or “the fate of the world rests on this motley crew of pale attractive twenty-somethings” is more my wife’s department.
Continue readingJay’s Quick Take: High Tension
A spoiler-free revisionist movie review.
Did you know Philippe Nahon died during COVID? Too bad. “High Tension” from 2003 is one of the original entries in the New French Extremity movement, and its reputation therein would not be as solidified weren’t it for the committed turn by the late Mr. Nahon. It made me check his IMDB page to see if there were any other movies of his I was missing out on, only to find the ones I knew were what I expected to be his highlights: his early Gaspar Noé contributions and “Calvaire”. Hey, if I was a professional actor, I’d probably be satiated with the kind of marquee Nahon got from this and “I Stand Alone” – inevitable typecasting aside. Some people like playing the villain, and some were born to play villains. Nahon falls squarely into the second category, and his methodical killer at the heart of director Alexandre Aja’s first feature (who went on to make the “Hills Have Eyes” & “Piranha” remakes) rescues what is unfortunately a very opuscule “college girls trapped at a secluded location while being hunted for unknown reasons” genre ride.
Continue readingJay’s Quick Take: The Invitation
A movie review with minor spoilers (but nothing the advertising hasn’t given away already).
I’m not sure if this is even going to fill your elementary-school quota of three paragraphs but we’ll try. “The Invitation” was not a bad movie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one concentrating on the “brides” of Dracula before – lots where ol’ Drac has his bevvy of buxom & consenting babes already turned and who approve of his polygamist & non-monogamous ways, but not one where we see the actual process of acquiring said-babes, or how said-babes approve-or-disapprove of their seduction (followed by forced spiritual-and-physical confinement). The Invitation is not about Dracula himself, thankfully, as that Transylvanian dude has been done to death: this time it’s some random rich British guy with the suggestive last name of De Ville (the script is content with peppering Easter Eggs from the Bram Stoker novel though, such as the creepy castle named New Carfax, or Renfield the Butler). The acting is earnest from an odd collection of you-know-them-or-you-don’t folk who are all happy to be working post-COVID, the production design is expectedly opulent & gothic (it’s clear from that big dragon statue in the castle lobby that the majority of the budget went there), and – despite 90% of the plot’s mystery being spoiled in the trailer – I was genuinely interested to see how everything ended. It was worth the half-price “last week of Summer because there’s nothing new for general audiences” ticket the movie theatre was flogging.
BUT! I can’t help but think of how much better it would have been if they had made some small changes… take note, Sony-owned Screen Gems! Two-time film-school dropout Jason is here to teach you a thing or two:
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theory of a daskeman 