Tag: 2020

don’t blink

A poem for LMI.

last night,
i dreamt of us.

it was at a party.
you know,
like the ones you used to throw,
once again unsettled by no one i knew.
but i would if i kept looking,

and then i thought i had found you.
not even from across the room i turned to see you
sitting cross legged on the kitchen counter
just like how i had always pictured you,
ignoring me.

and this projection,
in due time it spoke like you,
carefree and senseless,
and i thought to myself
“i thought i had finally gotten over you.”

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Jay’s Take: Ford v Ferrari

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Christian Bale & Matt Damon at Le Mans 2019: Artist’s Representation

Let me set the scene: you’ve had a shitty week and you want to escape. You haven’t seen a movie in theaters for a while and the January “dumping ground” of unmarketable trash is overflowing with sub-tier titles to get your tiddies hard from the thought of the camp value. You convince your wife to go with you to a double-feature (but nothing subtitled, so you still haven’t seen Parasite). What do double-features in my family mean to me? It means sneaking-in from one movie to another. It doesn’t mean LEAVING THE THEATER to re-up only to have to come back in and pay for the second ticket. You need to be prepared: bring edibles; make sure you’ve gone to the bathroom; and go on a day when the ticket-taker wicket isn’t set up at the West Wing entrance where your two movies are going to be (the apps let you check your theater number now too). We had it all worked out: Ford v Ferrari was at 12:15 and ended at 15:00; Dolittle started at 15:00; and the theaters were side-by-side. Dolittle is really what we wanted to see but the timing wasn’t working: sometimes the second movie starts right away, and sometimes the gap between them is too long. This sounded like it would have worked like a dream. THANKS GOD. And then I had to piss. And Ford v Ferrari is not a short movie. A good movie, but not short. So I held my pee. And what happens as I leave the theater? They have the wicket set up at the end of the hallway, AFTER the men’s bathroom. Granted it was “Cheap Tuesday” but usually they have the L-shaped divider set up and it wasn’t there this time. The women’s bathroom doesn’t have any security: it’s halfway down the hall. And the East Wing of the theater doesn’t have the wicket set up after the bathroom! So I had two choices: either pee into my water bottle that I sneaked McDonald’s ice tea into and try to remember not to drink from it for the next two-hour movie (because we couldn’t get any snacks from concession either because of where it was located; that’s why my wife brought her purse the size of a knapsack) or pee like a normal person and skip the second movie. So we skipped the second movie.

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Now Available on Laserdisc: State of Grace

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Sean Penn belongs to the same club of hellions as Rex Harrison. He may have flip-flopped a few times from lovable drunk to violent wife beater but this was the same actor who bit off his toenails in At Close Range. How can you predict the unpredictable? Did anyone think that Nicholas Cage would get himself into debt from buying dinosaur bones? And while we’re on the subject of controversial celebrities, why does Kevin Spacey lose his career while Sean Penn is still allowed to work? Is it because one abused minors while the other abused women? Shouldn’t everything evil be equally bad? Maybe Penn’s recent philanthropy has cleaned the slate for a good deal of people; but his charity has felt largely like penance for his mean streak, even though he just can’t seem to keep his trademark temper under control! Come on man, you were banging Charlize Theron! And she was not putting up with ANY of his shit. Can we say the same for Robin Wright? What about his State of Grace co-star Gary Oldman’s ex-wife? Can we say the same for all victims of abuse and trauma? What about Gary Oldman? When will I stop digging this hole for myself?

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Selected Scenes: Suits 904

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Happy 50th Cumulative Post!

Faye Richardson, a Stormtrooper for the New York State Bar, has been called in to housekeep a messy law firm that has been working against protocol: their Senior Partner Robert Zane, removed for contempt, still has his name up on the wall. Maybe you’ve heard of the Firm by its old name? Pearson Spector Litt? Yes, that Firm: the one that hired a college dropout with a photographic memory as Junior Partner without taking the Bar first; the one that promoted a glorified Secretary to act as their Chief Operating Officer; the one that’s been in all the papers lately on corruption charges and their low standards-of-practice. There can be up to five names on the wall at any given time but none are founding Partners. It makes no difference to Faye: the Firm is still a mess, and rightly so. Without a stable leader for months and discord within the Name Partners it doesn’t seem like anyone can make up their mind what direction the Firm should take. With the organizing body behind her, Faye uses her power to demote COO Donna and Acting Managing Partner Louis; not to mention emasculating Louis in front of his Associates, but nothing seems to be working. Their resolve cannot be broken. Frankly, the group of them are just too damned close: they would rather run the Firm their own way then have an outsider tell them what to do: stay the course and go down with the ship, so long as their values and their pride are intact. Louis’ secretary Gretchen being claimed by Faye, and Donna’s reprimand for being romantically-entangled with Harvey, are the last straws. The four remaining Partners corner Faye in her office and tell her that they have gone over her head and amended the Code Of Conduct to allow for inter-office relationships. Maybe Faye can’t take them all on together. Maybe she would get more flies with honey. She releases Gretchen back to Louis as a sign of her commitment to compromise, as opposed to integrity.

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Now Available on Laserdisc: Rapid Fire

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Rapid Fire is a celebration of the legacy of Bruce Lee, and an attempt at passing the cinematic torch to his son. Make no mistake, this movie’s primary excuse for existence is jerking off deprived Martial Arts movie fans stuck in a time before Bruceploitation. Both father and son died before their fame really took off but from the eerie slo-mo Kung Fu of the opening credits to the blown-out hair to his Liberal philosophies it doesn’t feel like a proverbial torch being passed so much as the smooth transition that can only be granted generationally. Nature-before-nurture. You won’t believe how many times it felt like I was watching an extension of Bruce himself as opposed to his son carving out his own niche: from the finesse to the wit, if only tweaked by their Lizard Oversee’r (cough… EXECUTIVE PRODUCER) to meet the demands of audiences in 1992. Think Enter the Dragon X Die Hard. But aside from the occasional motorcycle stunt or brandishing a gun, or fondling GRATUITOUS TIDDIES, Brandon sticks primarily to what made his father famous: kicking the shit out of dudes! And kick he can. Or could? What is a more appropriate tense?

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