the Universe
on occasion
needs to realize the limits
of humankind’s existence.
the drunk who calls his girlfriend
a cunt
is still getting the same horoscope
as you or i:
“today you may die,
but if you don’t,
the cosmos is on your side.”
what is that turning point?
giving her one about
moving on.
//wd 12.11.2025
Original photo by brenoanp on Pexels.com.
where did she goooo?
…
mah luuuv-ly?
ah wanna nooooo…
wh-r do u whar do u goooo?
“what?”
i’m talkin’ ‘boute that one renter,
you know,
with the smokin’ hot bod
and the mini pincher dog,
who we only ever saw
when they’d test the fire alarm?
the babe, not the dog.
h-h-h-ho-ho-way
h-h-h-ho-ho-way
“who’re you
yammering about now,
hm?
i told you the girl at Jasper’s funeral was
probably twelve.
it’s the GMOs in the food:
that’s why rule of sevens, dude.”
i had a dream about Chappell Roan
full stop.
okay not about her, but one in which
she appeared.
pretty sure it was her.
i feel i should be throwing confetti in the air.
blow a kazoo
and it wasn’t a sex dream,
don’t believe me?
and there wasn’t any reactive,
MS Paint-quality nudity.
calm down –
it was actuated by a photo
i saw of her without
too much makeup on
standing alone in profile on a press go-around
with a wallpaper of watermarks like you’d see
in the background,
no wig, dyed hair luminescent
and wearing what some call a ‘normal’ top
with thong straps,
staring straight ahead like i was the skeez
peering over her property line,
standing at that precipice with my hands on its ledge
when really i’m thousands of miles away
on a screen
how, then
to describe my dreams?
in repetitious themes.
always searching for something the most
difficult, illogical way i can
so just like the rest of person
& animal kind.
i had the ‘A’ tattooed on my hand –
the sign for ‘Awake’, to help with lucidity –
but i still close my eyes at the bottom of a hill
looking up –
Kate Bush can run if she wants to, i’m not with her group
or driving through a backwood overhung
so i can get to something parochial and dumb,
like a locker with a combination i can’t remember
at the middle school i went to more than twenty years prior
you following?
because it’s the last day to hand in the essay
worth 80% of my grade?
just like the all-nighters i would pull in university,
and of course there’s no parking
’cause it’s Activity Day
so everyone can see me coming up the roadway
but it isn’t vice-versa with their skinwalker outlays
and the halls are empty;
all these fucking corridors look the same –
Chappell ain’t here, she would’ve just started Primary;
there’s no receptionist, no aids –
a challenging intention
devolves into simple wandering,
and so it goes again and again.
oh God,
my life.
it’s 11:59 on my Saturday night
and His phone is already on silent.
i wish i could afford the same capacity to ignore
knowing omnipresently that everything was
alright.
back to life.
back to reality.
however do you want me?
i’m watching a twenty-something YouTube partner from Australia
demonstrate a twenty-dollar iPod rip-off from China
while i dig into another box of Extra Toasty Cheez-It’s –
courtesy of Kellanova –
cronch-cronch-cronch
lip-smacking-sounds amok
and at the back of my mind, i can’t help to wander
why i still haven’t taken my two scoops of
smooth, orange-flavoured fibre,
of which consideration is by Procter & Gamble
and the cold enamel
of the toilet bowl i’ve yet to spackle.
the jester takes comparison pics between the knock-off,
his iPhone, and his Pixel
of his dog,
his mouser,
his fenced-in yard –
and i know how much pet food costs:
while i personally have none, i have family who does
and it occurs to me that’s probably where this was
and then the camera flips to face his quaff,
looking like i could have fifteen years younger
had i kept the same locks,
and avoided whatever life conundrum concocted the lump
what is the foreign organ from my father
in my tum,
and the fat it collected as it settled upstream
and the broken record’s excuse for skipping is that
some things in life are just worth repeating
Management would like to acknowledge & thank the participation of the involved, for their assistance in producing the above feature.
theory of a daskeman 