400 Words on: The Smashing Machine (2025)

or, “Beating All the Well-Bushed Bits”:
A spoiler-free mini movie review.


2 out of 5

If I was John Krasinski (Jim from the U.S. “Office”), and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was going around telling everyone he was “best friends” with my wife (his “Smashing Machine” co-star Emily Blunt), it wouldn’t matter how many more seasons of “Jack Ryan” I’m signed up for: I’d be jealous.

Thankfully, the Universe has stepped in six-ways-from-Sunday to give John the break I assume he wanted from his spouse’s new champion: the most egregious being the leads’ shared sequences in their new movie.

Taken separately, both Johnson & Blunt are inarguably beguiling. However, their joint scenes here have a sloppy, off-the-cuff quality that probably comes from under-rehearsed improvisation, spoiling any chemistry I may have thought the acting colleagues had, and never convinced me of their characters’ connection. When Johnson’s Mark Kerr mansplains the aura of the crowd to Blunt’s Dawn, it reads like something he’d have said on their first date: not after moving in together.

[cont’d]

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