young romans

A one-act play.

“Two former Film School classmates – one successful, one a dropout – confront their presumed demons during a lunch reunion.”

THE SCENE
The street-side patio of a trendy restaurant, sometime in early-Summer. Present Day.

THE CAST
Dave, mid-to-late-30s, registered with the Film Union and good-to-go.
Ben, mid-to-late-30s, an unregistered freelancer.
A waiter, 18-20, just trying to do their job.
A proper man, 60s, who “should know what he’s talking about”.
His wife, 60s, who “should know her place better”.

*

LIGHTS UP. DAVE is waiting at a small, round table with three chairs. He’s dressed business-casual, playing with his phone. There are busy sounds around him: traffic; pedestrians – the city.

DAVE
Where the fuck is he…

A WAITER enters stage-left and approaches him.

WAITER
Have you had a chance to look at our menu yet, Sir?

DAVE
(callously)
That’s what I’m doing right now.

WAITER
Anything peak your interest?

DAVE
I don’t know, I’m not even at the appetizers yet! I’m still flipping through your sixteen-thousand pages of drinks!

WAITER
I’m sorry, Sir.

DAVE
Stupid question!

WAITER
We are well known for our selection of beer and spirits, Sir. If you’ll permit me, I could recommend something…

DAVE
No. Just go away until my guest arrives.

The waiter exits the same way he came in. From stage-right, in bursts BEN, dressed aloha-shirt casual. Dave is happy to see him, and they embrace platonically. Ben is despondent: hunched over, with closed-off body language.

DAVE
(cont’d) Wow! There’s the Big Guy!

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vigorously masturbating

or, once more, with feeling!

A poem about the dip.


i think we have a winner on our hands!

finally,
after years of searching,
someone is willing to take their clothes off to be in my movie!

“i’m thrilled to introduce
the only one of us that i’m paying
to be a part of this voluntary production i’m arranging!”
what do you want for dinner tonight?
kobe beef?
i’m buying.

the rest of them, give ’em ramen with egg!
now stroke, stroke, stroke for Sadie Benning’s sake!

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poor fish

A one-act play.

“A walk in the park becomes an earnest spiral of naive morality when a mother and her young daughter happen on a fisherman.”

THE SCENE
A suburban park surrounding a lake, during a mild day in early-Spring. Present Day.

THE CAST
A Man, 60s, spending his day fishing.
A Girl, under 10, who happens upon him.
Her Mom, late-20s/early-30s, her guardian.

*

LIGHTS UP. A MAN stands alone off to stage-left, facing away from the audience, casting off with an imaginary fishing rod. There are sounds of a public park: birds; wind; and the resting of water. There is a bench beside the man and on top rests his backpack, a cooler, and some other miscellaneous items: he is set up to be standing there for the day.

ENTER a little GIRL, clad in a one-piece rainsuit, jumping on-stage from stage-right into imaginary puddles with her yellow boots. Her MOM follows her. The girl is singing a little song.

MOM
Honey, don’t go off too far!

GIRL
I won’t!

The girl circles back to Mom. Near her, the girl falls on her bum. Mom helps her up.

MOM
Good thing we bought you this rainsuit!

GIRL
Mom, I’m going to be all wet!

MOM
You won’t. It’ll be like magic.
Stand here a second. Watch that man.

They watch the fisherman.

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