Tag: family film

Dub’s Take: Ne Zha 2 & Night of the Zoopocalypse

Two Spoiler-Free Family-Friendly Micro Movie Reviews

NE ZHA 2

3.5 out of 5

I’m a cultured guy: my favourite movie has a naked French lady in it. But “Ne Zha 2” is a movie from China, rooted in its mythology, without conceding to a global audience.

Despite every barrier to enjoyment possible (I haven’t seen the first film; super-quick & error-ridden subtitles; what I thought would be a 10 minute recap being a 30 second ‘last time on’; did I say fast subtitles?), Ne Zha 2 earned my part of its astonishing $2 billion in global profit through spectacle & gut reaction alone.

Who cares if the human characters are animated out of a PS2-era musou game, or if the whole third act reminded me of twenty seconds from “Akira”? Highlights include a scene with photorealistic gophers that almost made me throw up in the theatre; a heroic sacrifice that had me teary-eyed (only for a late twist to make me realize I didn’t actually know what was going on); and my 73-year-old father enjoying it, too.

I don’t foresee an English dub being possible without huge script revisions, and 10 minutes of Coles Notes at the beginning.

NIGHT OF THE ZOOPOCALYPSE

2.5 out of 5

Being a writer, I know what it’s like to fall in love with your words, whether those be poeticisms, a sudden revelation, or building to a literary crescendo.

“Night of the Zoopocalypse’s” scribes didn’t think objectively enough when it came to divvying traits out to its protagonists. The cinema-loving lemur Xavier won’t shut up about film theory as it pertains to every situation (like the critic from Shyamalan’s “Lady in the Water”), but capybara Frida is stuck reiterating that she doesn’t know anything because she’s “just a capybara.” Not a great start for a comedy that relies on the camaraderie of its core team.

But kids probably won’t care, so I’m trying not to, either. Zoopocalypse is a quick, cute time, most successful in its visual details than story ones. Gracie’s voice-actress Gabbi Kosmidis says in the pre-show that it’s a good entryway for young horror fans-to-be, and while that’s just a publicity quote to get butts in seats, I don’t disagree on its sanitized zombie-movie status, with enough neon colours & felty CGI fuzz to keep everyone entertained.

Some of the soundtrack was a little weird and could be triggering for kids with hearing sensitivity.

Posters sourced from impawards.com (1; 2). Are you going to see either of these? Do you agree that everything yanks something from Akira at one point or another? Let us know your impressions in the comments below!

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Now Available on Laserdisc: Project X

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Phew! It was a tough go, but I made it through two months of consecutive weekly posting. This month – to mix things up – I’m going to be digging into my home video archive to bring you a whole batch of articles on movies I own on the antiquated and inferior home video format known in some circles as the Reflective Optical Videodisc System, or DISCOVISION! I’m sure you’re thrilled.

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Jay’s Take: Dolittle

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Rarely can I shut my brain off and simply enjoy a movie on its own terms: my thoughts will travel in a million different directions and any one of them can affect my impression. One can claim to be critically non-biased but if I have a bad day and I want to unwind by going to see the latest Jane Austin adaptation AND THEN I HATE IT (which I most surely will, if the trailer preceding this particular feature was anything to go by) then I have no one to blame but myself, don’t I? There are a minimum of three new domestic movies released EVERY WEEK OF THE YEAR, not including international films or re-releases. There will always be movies to see. If I had my choice, then, would I have seen Dolittle? The much-maligned reboot-slash-reimagining of Doctor Dolittle with an unshackled-from-Kevin-Feige’s-basement Robert Downey Jr? No: I would have sneaked into it for free. What do you want? It had terrible pre-screening reviews; worrisome press about “reshoots” and “retooling”; and then it was release-dumped in January: a time when no one wants to go to the movies because everyone is still exhausted physically-and-financially from Christmas and suddenly become very aware of how much popcorn should actually cost. Is your movie’s tone a little darker then you would like it and the Men In Suits pay you millions of dollars to reshoot the ending, only to have the new one ruin the continuity of the rest of the film? Dump it in January. Are you up against another Star Wars or Fast & Furious sequel on your current release date and all the big Studio boys have paid double then what you can afford for May-to-December slots? Dump it in January. Silly horror movie starring the only boy from that Netflix show who was willing to suck-a-dick for a career? January. Oscar bait? January. A foreign film re-edited by The Weinstein Company, and if that wasn’t bad enough Harvey gets slapped by your lead actress and he shelves the movie for three years? Nos vemos en Enero. Doctor Dolittle 2020? SEE YOU IN JANUARY. Guy Ritchie’s movies keep getting released in January: I’m sure he is not impressed. But my wife and sister LOVED King Arthur with Charlie Hunnam, and they were stoked for this “new vision” of the Dolittle story, too (which sadly is not directed by Guy Ritchie – but there is a “popcorn flick” for ya). Would it be like the Rex Harrison original, which my wife grew up on? The Eddie Murphy movies, which my sister grew up on? Or would it be closer to the books?

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Selected Scenes: Doctor Dolittle

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Dr. John Dolittle, MD is sick and tired of the human race: an entitled and ignorant lot they are. It isn’t like he, too, hasn’t feasted on the wealth that being a small-town physician has offered him: he lives on an opulent compound in a clean mansion, and he never wears sweatpants. But enough is enough. Animals don’t talk back the same way humans do, nor do they demand so much from him. Animals don’t demand anything except the same compassion they offer people. If he could somehow learn to talk to the animals then maybe he could achieve the fulfilled and peaceful life that he seeks. He enlists the help of a talking parrot, whose gift for mimicry helps him translate (he still speaks English, but the animals don’t). Of course, being Planet Earth’s premier veterinarian-slash-pet therapist isn’t without its challenges. Among his adventures, he breaks a seal named Sophia out of a circus prison so she can be reunited with her husband in the wild. He dresses her up Weekend At Bernie’s-style and passes her off as his infant-sized grandmother to the unsuspecting passengers in his taxi-slash-horse-drawn carriage. FOOLISH HUMANS! By the way, did I mention this all takes place at the turn of the last century? And before he releases her, he looks into her eyes and sings her a hypothetical song about if the two of them could be together. Can he connect with animals where he cannot with women? Will he ever find love? IS THE UNION OF MAN AND SEAL POSSIBLE IN TODAY’S POLITICAL CLIMATE? THE PUBLIC DEMANDS AN ANSWER.

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