a reminder

A poem.


we sat side-by-side the other day –
so close and yet so far away,
and i could see the sunlight reflected off your steely-blue eyes
as i wondered if you even knew i drew breath.
so many sleepless nights, drained but restless
wishing i had your body against mine –
because i believed you alone could soothe me,
mitigate me,
love me and my touch
this time.

but i’ve been wrong before.

so like a thief i’ve stolen what i could
to fuel a fantasy that would.
your face, your look –
the freckles that dot like weathered wood.
placing you in-phase with others who came before,
dreaming that maybe i could enjoy those times more.
your life continues
and mine stands ignored.
i have to move on. i do.

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doubledown

A poem.


when i shut my eyes at night
and allow my mind to wander,
sometimes
if the mood is right
i can still make out the space between his eyes,
their shape
their size
hes all but forgotten, otherwise.
the fleeting moments of love still remain
but theres nothing else to gain
by recalling his frame and the bones in his waist.
ive willed myself to forget his lips,
but their smokey taste still sits.
the way he ignored me through sleepless nights
the fights
the light that grew in his solitude
the tears that drew in his bleakest gloom.

the bedroom is an empty void with a new lover by my side.
but yours is the ghost that looms,
so in the earliest mornings when i wake and see his face,
if he looks back too
through the haze i see you.

//jf 5.6.2020


 

don’t blink

A poem for LMI.


last night,
i dreamt of us.

it was at a party.
you know,
like the ones you used to throw,
once again unsettled by no one i knew.
but i would if i kept looking,

and then i thought i had found you.
not even from across the room i turned to see you
sitting cross legged on the kitchen counter
just like how i had always pictured you,
ignoring me.

and this projection,
in due time it spoke like you,
carefree and senseless,
and i thought to myself
“i thought i had finally gotten over you.”

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