Management would like to acknowledge & thank the participation of the involved, for their assistance in producing the above feature. It has been shortened from its original exhibition. It was made as a response to my dissatisfaction with post-secondary, and should not be taken seriously. For those interested, an unsanctioned IMDB listing can be found here.
Management would like to acknowledge & thank the participation of the involved, for their assistance in producing the above feature.
THE SCENE
The street-side patio of a trendy restaurant, sometime in early-Summer. Present Day.
THE CAST
Dave, mid-to-late-30s, registered with the Film Union and good-to-go.
Ben, mid-to-late-30s, an unregistered freelancer.
A waiter, 18-20, just trying to do their job.
A proper man, 60s, who “should know what he’s talking about”.
His wife, 60s, who “should know her place better”.
*
LIGHTS UP. DAVE is waiting at a small, round table with three chairs. He’s dressed business-casual, playing with his phone. There are busy sounds around him: traffic; pedestrians – the city.
DAVE
Where the fuck is he…
A WAITER enters stage-left and approaches him.
WAITER
Have you had a chance to look at our menu yet, Sir?
DAVE
(callously)
That’s what I’m doing right now.
WAITER
Anything peak your interest?
DAVE
I don’t know, I’m not even at the appetizers yet! I’m still flipping through your sixteen-thousand pages of drinks!
WAITER
I’m sorry, Sir.
DAVE
Stupid question!
WAITER
We are well known for our selection of beer and spirits, Sir. If you’ll permit me, I could recommend something…
DAVE
No. Just go away until my guest arrives.
The waiter exits the same way he came in. From stage-right, in bursts BEN, dressed aloha-shirt casual. Dave is happy to see him, and they embrace platonically. Ben is despondent: hunched over, with closed-off body language.
DAVE
(cont’d) Wow! There’s the Big Guy!
theory of a daskeman 