short swings

A one-act play for mature audiences.

“Two people confront one-another about their feelings, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong way – and possibly, to the wrong person.”

THE SCENE
A party in a suburban home. Nighttime.

THE CAST
Kristan, she/her, 30s, standoffish, with coloured hair.
Kevin, he/him, 30s, brazen.

Graeme, 30s, a smoking guest.
Tommy, 30s, his friend.
A Man in a Suit, 30s, a silent weirdo.

Karl, a drunk partygoer, adult-aged.
Holly, a curious partygoer, adult-aged.
A Goof, 30s, an idiot.

*

As the audience enters the theatre, the CURTAIN is CLOSED and the HOUSE LIGHTS are ON. In front of the curtain at STAGE-LEFT, under a spotlight, is a patio chair and an outdoor table with an ashtray on it. On STAGE-RIGHT, on a bench, sits A MAN IN A SUIT – looking forlorn, “smoking” a cigarette, ashing on the ground. Behind the curtain, you can hear bass-heavy background music, played at a minimal volume.

Five-minutes before the start of show, GRAEME enters STAGE-LEFT. He “lights” a cigarette and stares out into the crowd like he’s looking-out from a porch. Occasionally, GRAEME will look at the MAN IN A SUIT, but the MAN IN A SUIT does not look back, nor do they share any pleasantries.

HOUSE LIGHTS FADE. TOMMY enters STAGE-LEFT, also “lighting” a cigarette.

TOMMY
Hey Graeme!

GRAEME
Tommy! What’s shaking?

TOMMY & GRAEME “pound” fists.

TOMMY
Not a whole Hell of a lot. I thought I’d never run into someone I know here.

GRAEME
Yeah, me neither. The wife dragged me. But it’s nice to see you!

TOMMY
You too! Are you coming with us next weekend?

GRAEME
To do what?

TOMMY
The guys didn’t tell you?

GRAEME
No…

TOMMY
Oh. Well we’re all going hunting.

GRAEME
(apprehensive) Hunting, huh?

TOMMY
Yeah. Don’t take it too personal. If anyone asks just say I invited you.

GRAEME
No, it’s not that. I’m just not sure how comfortable I’d be with going hunting.

TOMMY
If you’re sad for the deer, it’s an annual cull.

GRAEME
Yeah, there’s that. But it’s mostly just all the random shootings going on everywhere. I don’t know how cool I am going shooting for fun when kids are getting killed for no reason.

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no more moves

A one-act play.

“A person on their deathbed spends their final living moments arguing with their inner-child.”

THE SCENE
A private room in Westernized hospice care. Present Day.

THE CAST
A corpse, at-least 70-years-old, in the last minutes of their life.
The Child in Their Mind’s Eye, 15-or-under, the Corpse’s adolescent-aged mirror-image.
Some loved ones, 2-3 in quantity, middle-aged, grieving bedside.

WRITER’S NOTE: The role of “Corpse” (and by extension the “Child”) has been transcribed below in the masculine pronoun, but can be cast as non-binary with reflected changes in the dialogue.

*

LIGHTS UP. A CORPSE – or at least, someone minutes away from “being” one – lays in a near-comatose state on a hospital bed in the center of the stage. On stage-right, sitting in chairs facing them are LOVED ONES, with their backs to the audience. They are inconsolable and spend the duration of the play grieving – silently, unless noted. We can hear their cries as the play starts. After some time, a CHILD enters stage-right, and the grieving quietens. The child walks casually up to the bed and starts lightly-shaking the corpse awake.

CHILD
Hey! Hey, wake up!

CORPSE
Hmm?

CHILD
Wake up! It’s time for school!

CORPSE
What is it? What’s going on? (puts their hand up to their mouth)
…Oh my God, I can speak! (puts their other hand up to their face)
I can move! Holy shit, it’s a miracle!

CHILD
(facetiously)
Yay!

CORPSE
(to their Loved Ones)
Look, everyone! Look!

CHILD
Oh, they’re looking!

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young romans

A one-act play.

“Two former Film School classmates – one successful, one a dropout – confront their presumed demons during a lunch reunion.”

THE SCENE
The street-side patio of a trendy restaurant, sometime in early-Summer. Present Day.

THE CAST
Dave, mid-to-late-30s, registered with the Film Union and good-to-go.
Ben, mid-to-late-30s, an unregistered freelancer.
A waiter, 18-20, just trying to do their job.
A proper man, 60s, who “should know what he’s talking about”.
His wife, 60s, who “should know her place better”.

*

LIGHTS UP. DAVE is waiting at a small, round table with three chairs. He’s dressed business-casual, playing with his phone. There are busy sounds around him: traffic; pedestrians – the city.

DAVE
Where the fuck is he…

A WAITER enters stage-left and approaches him.

WAITER
Have you had a chance to look at our menu yet, Sir?

DAVE
(callously)
That’s what I’m doing right now.

WAITER
Anything peak your interest?

DAVE
I don’t know, I’m not even at the appetizers yet! I’m still flipping through your sixteen-thousand pages of drinks!

WAITER
I’m sorry, Sir.

DAVE
Stupid question!

WAITER
We are well known for our selection of beer and spirits, Sir. If you’ll permit me, I could recommend something…

DAVE
No. Just go away until my guest arrives.

The waiter exits the same way he came in. From stage-right, in bursts BEN, dressed aloha-shirt casual. Dave is happy to see him, and they embrace platonically. Ben is despondent: hunched over, with closed-off body language.

DAVE
(cont’d) Wow! There’s the Big Guy!

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poor fish

A one-act play.

“A walk in the park becomes an earnest spiral of naive morality when a mother and her young daughter happen on a fisherman.”

THE SCENE
A suburban park surrounding a lake, during a mild day in early-Spring. Present Day.

THE CAST
A Man, 60s, spending his day fishing.
A Girl, under 10, who happens upon him.
Her Mom, late-20s/early-30s, her guardian.

*

LIGHTS UP. A MAN stands alone off to stage-left, facing away from the audience, casting off with an imaginary fishing rod. There are sounds of a public park: birds; wind; and the resting of water. There is a bench beside the man and on top rests his backpack, a cooler, and some other miscellaneous items: he is set up to be standing there for the day.

ENTER a little GIRL, clad in a one-piece rainsuit, jumping on-stage from stage-right into imaginary puddles with her yellow boots. Her MOM follows her. The girl is singing a little song.

MOM
Honey, don’t go off too far!

GIRL
I won’t!

The girl circles back to Mom. Near her, the girl falls on her bum. Mom helps her up.

MOM
Good thing we bought you this rainsuit!

GIRL
Mom, I’m going to be all wet!

MOM
You won’t. It’ll be like magic.
Stand here a second. Watch that man.

They watch the fisherman.

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Jay’s Take on: West Side Story

2016

things age. stuff dies. facts of life. old electronics don’t last forever (but in nintendo’s case an eternity). people weaken. and works of fiction that once were considered timeless are now running through the eye of the contemporary critic. they will tell you that while a movie or stage play or any entertainment can age poorly it can be appreciated by anyone willing to acknowledge its place in history. i call bullshit. it boils down to one’s own opinion. at the end of the day you either like something or you don’t. it’s that simple. if you don’t like citizen kane it’s a moot point to argue that it’s aged poorly because it’s ignorant to think you will change another’s opinion based on the discourse of the establishment. that and citizen kane is a great movie and anyone who tells you otherwise probably has a queue of dtv steven seagal movies on netflix (though even some of those are watchable).

i have not seen the film adaptation of west side story. in fact before tuesday night i had never seen the play performed in any incantation, nor could i tell you what songs were associated with it. i was excited to go in fresh with only its legacy to help me along. the word ‘hack’ kept illuminating in my mind as i watched the live performance. sondheim is a god to many but to know that west side was adapted from romeo and juliet just made me play with the revisionist aspects in my head. shakespeare’s original is a simple story told through complex prose that dissected the motivation of its characters. at this point in our time every story you could possibly imagine has been done to death in every medium possible. so it is the method then that the story is told and the quality of the telling that will tell you if a work will stand up to scrutiny. the particular performance of west side story that i saw could not hold up to my scrutiny. it was poorly cast, with dream sequences cut in and out of the story like a warner brothers producer messing with the latest dc picture. the songs themselves, the pumping blood of musical theater, were quieting (though i feel pretty is a fucking classic).

so what was the problem? was it the show itself or the play? were the problems i had the choices of the director or were they intended by the writers to begin with? i am in a position now where i could watch the oscar-winning film adaptation, or seek out another live performance and make the call for myself, or hell even ask someone involved with the production i viewed. but i don’t want to. i feel like i have seen the show and it is not necessary for me to see it again. that finality tells me that it was more the script then the show. but the burden of proof is on the show i watched and not the original source material. i turned to my partner during the performance, who has seen the movie but not the play, and asked them if the balletic fight choreography and tempered delivery of the songs were deliberate. they said it was. good enough for me.