Now Available on Laserdisc: The Hudsucker Proxy

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Before we go any further, I have to eulogize the elephant in the room: my trusty Pioneer dual-sided Laserdisc-slash-CD player. I’ve had her for years now and she is a shining testament to the durability of 80s technology: this shit was built to last.

And she has lasted. She is heavy and unwieldy and unless we have her own separate station set up beside the TV then she rests on top of my wife’s ten-year-old IKEA entertainment unit. Two years ago I forgot that the lid was ejected and I walked into it, dislocating the arm from the unit. It was easily fixed by snapping it back in but she hasn’t worked the same ever since. Now she takes almost two full cycles before she can eject the door; CDs get stuck inside her and require surgical removal; and there is an ever-increasing chance that one day she will lose the use of her tongue completely and never be able to speak again. But she has persevered regardless! And no matter how much longer she may last, her contributions to my cinematic endeavors cannot be overstated enough.

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Selected Scenes: Erik the Viking

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It isn’t easy being a viking, especially when you’re young and just learning the ways. Erik is one of this new generation: jaded and disillusioned, he’s in line for his clan’s throne but can’t bring himself to participate in his family’s history of pillaging and carnage. There has to be more to life then violence, but what is peace after Ragnarok? The land has been shrouded in overcast and rain for so long that it couldn’t be anything but the Age of Ragnarok: the end of the world – couldn’t it? Erik isn’t sure of anything, other then he has never seen the sun, and the weight of his first kill (a woman he refuses to rape during a raid) weighs heavily on him. This needs to stop: the Gods must be awakened from their slumber to bring back blue skies and the promise of a future of genuine change. A chance encounter with a seer gives him the push he needs: if he could find the Gjallarhorn – or, the Horn Resounding – on the mythical island of Hy-Brasil and blow it, the rainbow road to the Gods’ home of Asgard will open and the sound could end their quietus. Joined by the other able-bodied men of his tribe, Erik sets sail to uncharted territory and his destiny. Days pass. The men are restless for action and begin to doubt the validity of the stories they grew up with, which isn’t helped by a converted Christian priest who joins them and questions the old legends. They enter a fog patch and think they see a light in the sky. Is it the sun? Does it really exist? But it isn’t a sun at all: it’s a bauble hanging from the fearsome Dragon of the North! If this beast exists then surely their expedition cannot be in vain. Can our heroes escape?

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