A micro-story.
What time is it? Did you even set the alarm? Why do I have to wake up so early? Why can’t I wake up earlier than this instead of rolling around for an hour? Why can’t my shifts start when I’m actually awake? Why can’t I turn off my alarm? Why won’t it shut up? Why won’t my husband get up when I do? Why doesn’t he get my coffee ready like he used to? What’s wrong with me? Why do I stay with him? Wouldn’t I be happier alone? Or living with my daughter and her babies? Why can’t I take the initiative and retire? Why won’t this fucking coffee maker work properly? Did I put the water in the right place? Is it plugged in? Why does it smell like something is burning? Should I look under the lid? Why is there smoke? Why did I set it and not add water first? Why am I blaming myself? Why isn’t it his problem? Why is he so stupid? Why does this needle hurt so much? Why is my blood sugar so high? How much stress can one woman take?
Why do I have to go in to work today? Isn’t this my ninth day in a row? How does Darren get away with treating us like that? Like animals? Don’t I have a life? Where does he think I go when I’m not working? Drinking myself to death in a bar, like him? Why can’t I be more grateful that I still get to see my kids? That I still get to even talk to them? What happened to his marriage that his own kids don’t even want to talk to him anymore? Is that why he treats us all the way he does? Because he can’t treat his own family that way anymore? Because they won’t let him? Why do we let him treat us like that, then? Aren’t there new company policies in place to discourage assholes like him from throwing their clout around? Why can I never get out of here on-time? Why aren’t the dishes done yet? Didn’t I ask him to do that last night before he went to bed? And instead of doing the dishes he moves the coffee maker around? Why does this coffee taste like vinegar? Did he try to clean the fucking coffee maker again? Doesn’t he know that just erodes the twenty dollar Walmart Homemedics that he has to replace every six months? Why can’t we just get a nice espresso machine like we bought Leila for Christmas? Why do we spend that kind of money on our kids but we work like dogs to buy a new fucking coffee maker twice every fucking year? What is this? Why does it taste so salty? Where am I?
Why did that taxi just cut me off? Doesn’t he have enough space on the highway at two in the morning? Where are the other cars? Are they all at home at this ungodly hour? Why is this taking forever? Isn’t it only supposed to take fifteen minutes to get there? Has it only been ten minutes? Why am I so tired? Why can’t I seem to get my sleep schedule under control? It can’t be Al’s snoring, can it? That’s why we got him the sleep-apnea machine, isn’t it? What do I have to show for my life? Why shouldn’t I be able to retire? I’ve lived a hard life, haven’t I? Don’t I deserve to finally be happy? Don’t my benefits stop in six years? Hell, aren’t I turning sixty next week? Is this why I haven’t been able to sleep? Because of the stress? What stress? What do I have to be stressed over? Couldn’t I be sick like everyone else is right now? Aren’t I healthy? Don’t I make healthy choices for myself? Didn’t I switch from high-sugar snacks to the Keto-friendly Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Pistachio Bites? Isn’t that why we have more choice in the stores? So we can make our own decisions about what we put in our bodies? Why should I let what Al eats dictate what I eat? Maybe it was the boxed and freezer-burnt china-caught discounted shitmix fish-and-chips that he made last night? Why am I complaining? Isn’t it great that he made dinner for once? At all? Who’s in my parking space? Doesn’t everyone know already that I park in the same space every morning? Why is it so hard for people to understand what is so clear a fact in this world as my parking in this particular space every morning for the last fifteen years? At least? Hey Darren, who owns that car outside? The one parked in my space? Yes, I know we aren’t supposed to park there, I was just checking out the lot, wasn’t I? Well for degenerates, aren’t there? Can I do those things for you when I’ve settled in? You want them done right now? You want me to just leave my bag and coat here and I’ll be back for them in a bit? Why is he such an asshole? Your name is Ted? You’re a new employee? You’re working in my section? That’s your car outside? You do know that isn’t employee parking there, don’t you? Can you please move it? Now? Why are you giving me attitude?
Why won’t this day be over? Why won’t someone just give me the gun and the bullet and I can just shoot myself? Why is killing yourself any different than working here? Why am I so negative? Why can’t I be nicer to people? Aren’t I trying? Why aren’t you watching where you’re going, Will? Can’t you see that I’m driving a forklift here? Hey Izzy, I didn’t see you, how are you? You were sick? Is your baby okay? Well you do know to look after yourself, we are living in crazy times, aren’t we? You want to go on a break? Didn’t you already go on a break this morning? I’m in your way, Will? Why cant you give me a minute to move then? Can’t you please change a few more signs for me before you go, Iz? You have to go to the bathroom? What are you waiting for? We don’t want you to hurt yourself, do we? Can’t you see that I’m moving? Ted? Where’s Ted? Ted, where were you? Didn’t you hear me calling for you? You were on your break? Don’t you know that your break is only fifteen minutes long? Why did you take twenty? Why are you questioning me? We are going to be having a conversation about this later but for right now can you please go to the back and stock the automotive section? Right now? And take these signs with you? Thank you.
//jf 7.29.2020
theory of a daskeman 